We would like to believe that we could change any man that we desire, but many of us have found out the hard way that we just can’t do it. First of all, men don’t like when someone tries to change them, and neither do women. To quote one of my favorite authors, Shahrazad Ali, “Women expect a man to accept them as they are, but they try to change everything about him.” I guess we made the mistake of trusting in our build-a-man abilities too much, but later found out how difficult it is to make or remake a man.

Men will test your boundaries, and they do so to see what caliber of woman you are. They want to see if you are the type who loves and respects yourself, or if you're the type to allow them to do whatever they want to you because you value their attention over your self-respect. When they push a boundary, you must be willing and able to correct them instead of letting it go. If you let them get away with it, they will do it again, and again. Then, by the time you finally get fed up and correct them, they've already lost respect for you, and you've likely lost respect for them as well.

As the feminist movement picks up steam in the African American community, there is a counter movement picking up momentum as well. This movement, consisting of both men and women, speaks against the destructive rhetoric and behavior of feminists. It is, however, the women of this movement who have been referred to as "pick-me's". If you don't know what a "pick-me" is, it is a name feminists call women who love, respect, and defend a man's honor. To a feminist, this is a form of pandering, and seen as an act of desperation. They feel these women are searching for men's approval and practically begging men to pick them over other women.

It isn't just nice guys who are passed up for the bad boys. Nice girls are experiencing a similar thing at the hands of men, and sometimes it's the nice guys who are doing the passing up! Why is it that men and women seem to prefer to date those who walk on the wild side?